It’s that time of year when the annual white elephant gift exchanges are taking place. Today I got to be part of one of these events. In most places, this can be a joyous time of family being together. However, todays exchange which started good soon went south all the way to the Antarctica.
We started with the proclamation of rules so there would be no misunderstandings as the “game” took place. These rules were no more than a waste of breath as the game progressed. My mother-in-law was the first to draw since she “luckily” drew #1. Some of us believe that this was a side deal since everyone was not in the room at the time of the drawing. The matriarch of the family was the second to go. This poor lady could not keep a gift for more than two minutes. Every person took anything that she would get. Soon text messages started to move about the room from the number 13 person to her mother, father and one brother. “Get the pillow that gran-gran has and I will get you whatever you want.” So this prize pillow is stolen by the other (un-texted) brother. Who then has it stolen by his wife. The texted brother who wants the pillow, seizes the opportunity to get the pillow and freezes the movement and locks it in as his. (Point of clarification – Rule 3.2.a – After a gift has been picked it can only be stolen up to three times. The person who steals the gift the third time becomes the final owner and can not have it taken from them for all eternity.) This in turn causes some temporary grief from thief #1 since thief #3 stole the pillow from thief #2 (thief #1’s wife). At this time thief #3, who is in the process of obtaining a BS in Business sees an opportunity brewing.
Meanwhile, the gifts are continuing to be swapped, traded, and offered to the picker of the next gift. Being #7, I step up and get a gift in a bag and find that I have picked a gift that we took, so I quickly unwrap the gift and receive some skull-candy ear buds. I act as though this is nothing to impressive to me in the hopes of keeping the ear buds. Soon another gift of great desire appears on the radar of the ladies. A set of four mason jars with straws and lids with a chalk board writing area. This is where my wife comes into the picture. She approaches me and makes a deal for me to steal the mason jars that have at this moment been stolen twice since she is stealing my ear buds. This makes great sense to me in the beginning since it is a win-win for both of us. She gets the jars and I keep the ear buds. So, I make this agreement and take the mason jars and lock them in as mine. I have the jars, the wife has the ear buds and the person that just got robbed has the chance to steal again. Suddenly an evil wind blows through the house as spite shows up as the prior owner of the mason jars quickly steals the ear buds from my wife! I sit there in disbelief as the room erupts in laughter and heckles.
Meanwhile through all of this gift exchanging, the texted brother (a.k.a thief #3) develops a plan for the previous owners of the prized pillow. He will sell the pillow for a discounted brotherly rate of only $30! Remember that he is working on a degree in business from UGA and there is business and then there is business with family. The previous owner (thief #1) goes for the deal and pays up the $30 bucks to make his wife (thief #2) happy. Yes it is like Linus said, “Christmas is not only becoming too commercial but also dangerous.”
So to each of you I say, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Also, watch out for any white elephants!
*Due to a crash of the site, this post was deleted! I am reinserting back into the mix for your entertainment.*